As many of you know, my Mom lost her battle to cancer last week..This is my tribute to her..
Mom was a true beautiful soul. She had the rare gift of seeing the good in everyone..I used to tease her and tell her to take her "rose colored glasses" off. For a woman that had such a hard, difficult life, it always amazed me how she wasn't jaded by life. I can't say the same about myself.
Mom got pregnant with me at 16 yrs old..In the 1950's, that was taboo. She family disowned her, but my Granny (my Dad's Mom)..took her in never having met my Mom even..My Grandparents drove my folks down to Tijuana for a quick wedding. My Dad enlisted in the army, so my Mom and I lived with my grandparents for 2 years, which was not an easy life for my Mom. My parents had my sister when I was 5, then my brother when I was 8. My Mommas life with my Dad was not a very happy one, for the 18 yrs they were married. My Mom started to drink to ease her pain when I was about 11..by the time I was 15 she was a full fledged alcoholic and it split our family apart..I went to live with an Aunt, my sister went to live with a friends family and my lil brother did the same...Mean while my dad went thru wife after wife..and my Sister was killed in a car accident when she was 18, devastating our family further..and sent my Mom over the edge..almost..Mom was living in a Half Way house when I got the news about my sister, because she and I had been sharing an apt, the police came to the apt to notify me, I drove to where my Mom was and had to tell her, which is something I wish on no one..
Needless to say Mom kept drinking..It wasn't until I was pregnant with my son (first Grandchild) did she finally stop. That was 30 yrs ago..My Momma lived with her guilt and pain in silence and could never let go, even though my brother and I had told her many times she could..We had forgiven her, she needed to forgive herself. She was a firm believer in Karma, so she just accepted anything bad that happened to her as "her karma"..whether it was or not.
She had moved to Utah 22 yrs ago to take care of her Mother..
and after my Grandma passed, Mom stayed. Last year my Mom had to go into an assisted living facility because of her COPD...
My brother & I wanted her to live with me, but she said she would not put me through that and also I had my Granny already to take care of..
My brother & I drove to Utah this time last year to pack up Mom's house..not an easy task packing up someones life...
We talked to Mom often, 2 or 3 times a week..this last January
Mom called and said she needed to talk to my brother and I..
seems in November she found out she had lung cancer...As so typical & unselfish of Mom, she didn't want to tell us until AFTER Christmas.
As we know now, she did not tell us the truth about how bad she was, how much the cancer had spread as her final act of unselfishness. She knew my brother's work load had more than doubled, and he was living out of a suitcase and hardly ever home, and she knew I had the responsibility of care for my Granny here..with no help..My Mom and my granny here spoke on the phone every weekend. Mom was grateful and never forgot how my granny took her in all those years ago..
My Granny loved my Mom even though there were other wives of my Dad...My Dad passed away 25 yrs ago from lung cancer,
and left behind a wife and 5 yr old twins girls...
My Mom used to go visit Dad when he was dying and she'd tell me she felt like she wanted to kick his wife out and say "Let me take care of my husband"...
So on the weds before my Mom passed, I called her, we spoke for an hour and she told me things she needed to say before she went "Off on her Great Adventure", which is how she referred to her death. I called her Friday evening, but she was kind of not there. I told her I loved her and she told me the same..Saturday morning my Uncle called and said Mom was at the end, the cancer had spread to her brain..and in the mean time I was here with a Granny who's heart was failing, and was scheduled for pacemaker surgery on Tues, My brother was in S Carolina working..As you can imagine, we were in such a state
trying to figure out what to do..There's no simple way to get to Moab ,Utah from here..To drive is 11 hours, to fly you have to fly into Salt Lake City, rent a car then drive 4 hrs to Moab..and neither of us had that kind of money either..My family in Utah is telling me we need to get there quick, make Mom the priority..I couldn't make them understand I could not leave my Granny alone here..So my Brother flys into LAX monday..we decide to drive to Utah weds morning, my half sister was coming to stay with Granny...
The family in Utah told my Mom we were coming. My Mom who had not been coherent asked "when"...they said "Weds"..
Well our Momma in her final act of love & motherhood...went off to her Great Adventure on Tues...I know it was to spare my brother and I the pain of seeing her like she was, there's no doubt in our minds..
My daughter has always said that "Grams was to good, to kind, for this world"...and I believe she was right..My Momma suffered so very much thru her life..and I find comfort knowing that she has peace..once & for all..Mom always referred to herself as an "old broad"...Well, Momma you were one hell of an Old Broad..and this world will not be the same without you!